Well, it’s begun.

Under my belt: my first workout and my first meals.  I’ve had breakfast, lunch, and a snack. Sadly, it feels like all I’ve had was two snacks and an amuse bouche, but I’m hanging in there.

Sigh.

Well, I knew what I was getting myself into.

As for the workout, well, yesterday I said I wasn’t scared.  I said I wasn’t worried about the work it was going to take. 

Today, well, I think I can draw a parallel to soldiers in battle.  See, there’s the captain who starts yelling it’s time to go take this hill that has bad guys on top.

And while I am all nice and safe in my foxhole, I start thinking “Hey, that sounds like a pretty cool idea.  Let’s go!  It’ll be fun.  Sure they’ll be some running and some danger, but yeah, I’m pro-hill taking.”

(That was me yesterday.)

See, then the soldier jumps out of his fox hole and suddenly there’s machine gun fire and mortars and explosions.  Suddenly, the whole hill thing starts to sound like a bad idea.

(That’s me today.)

Oh well, there’s not a lot of quit in me.  And despite my griping, I’m looking forward to working out again tomorrow!  Talk to you then!

Okay, and now we get to the big one.

At least for now, of all my reimagining goals, this one is the most important by far.  Whether that’s psychological (I once took a test that said I was ready to put my life on hold because of my weight) or not, I really feel like the reimagining cannot happen unless I master my look and my weight goals.

Let’s tackle each of these in turn.  First:

Weight Reimagining

This is the biggie (pun intended.)  Getting healthy is what prompted this whole reimagining thing and it has become the thing I have thought about most. 

I’ve always been heavy for whatever reason, but in the past five years or so things have gotten worse.  Whether that is because I’ve gotten older or lazier or what have you, it’s gotten worse.  And really, the only thing I have to blame is myself. 

But I’m going to change that. 

As of right now, I vow that I will lose 165 pounds or I will die trying. 

Do I think I can do that in one year?  No.  Do I think I can knock out a significant chunk of that in one year?  Yes.  It’s a huge step.  I am basically going to do everything in my power to lose the equivalent of average adult male and let’s face it, weight loss is not easy.  If it were, everyone would be doing it.  So, not only am I going to be doing something hard, I am going to be doing a lot of it and I’m going to be doing it for a long time.  But, if it’s worth biting, it’s worth biting off more than I can chew, right?

How to Get There From Here?

Well, I didn’t call it a reimagining for nothing.  I basically have to go back and alter myself totally because no diet is going to get me to -165.  I need to change my life and I need to have a healthy relationship with food, not the codependent relationship I have now.

So what are my concrete steps?

1. Realistically, I want to go to the gym 4 times a week.  I would like to eventually get that up to 6 times per week, but while I am trying to reimagine myself, I figure I should take some baby steps.
2. In order to meet this goal, I have two things working in my favor.  Once, I have committed myself to waking up and going to the gym at 6:30.   I am the consummate night owl and find the prospect of going to the gym at 6:30 to be terrifying.  But there’s no other way.
3. The other thing I have are my Turbo Jam workouts.  They’re DVD workouts I can do at home and supplant with basic strength training exercises using the variable weight dumbells I have.  During the summer, I’ll run.
4. Portion control.  One plate.  Mostly vegetables for each meal.  Plus I’ll do healthy snacks to keep my appetite in check.
5. Eating the right foods.  I am giving myself one bad meal per week.  Other than that, no fried foods.  Limited red meat.  Foods will not cooked in butter.  Actually, I am going to limit the amount of “cooking” because raw produce is healthier and better for me.
6. Water.  Lots of water.  At least 200 ounces of water per day.  Plus, when I go to lunch, all I am going to do is drink water.  No more drinking my calories.  In fact, I am drinking my last soda until January 2nd, 2011.
7. Consult with my nutritionist.  Darya at Summer Tomato is there to help me find the right meal plan.  I’m already working on my food journal, which I am using Google Wave to complete.
8. Blogging.  I am pretty sure I’m an emotional eater.  Now, I’ll blog.
9. I’ll also try to channel the negative energy which draws me to food towards spending time with my family.  Since I am an emotional eater, I hope the joy I feel being with them will take the place of food.  (Yes, this is easy to talk about.  So much harder to do, but I can’t quit emotional eating without something to replace the food.)

Issues with Weight Loss

It’s not going to be easy.  I know that.  Here are the ones I can think of:

1. I love to eat.  I like cooking and I like eating.  I hope to overcome this by watching my portion size and by avoiding bad-for-me foods and empty calories.  Plus, I’ve watched shows like Iron Chef and Chopped.  The judges in those shows never clean their plates.  When I am treated to fine meal, I plan to not clean mine either.
2. I’m a food blogger.  That means I have to cook and try new things and I can’t flood my readers with recipes on healthy eating all the time.  Sometimes they like junk food.
3. unResolution Month.  During the month of January, I run 31 straight days of bad-for-you-food.  It’s fun and I don’t want to stop it.  But it does mean I have to cook it, see it, smell it, and taste it.
4. Habits.  Right now I don’t have good exercise or workout habits and old habits, they die hard.
5. I’m writing a cookbook.  About chicken wings.
6. I have to eat which means every meal is an opportunity to overeat.

The Rules

Here are the rules I’ve set for myself.

1. I get one bad meal per week.  Other than that, I am going to be good.
2. All food prepared for the blog that is not healthful can be tasted and then will be taken to work and given to coworkers or given to neighbors.  Everyone wins that way!
3. If I am interacting with a chef or at an eating event because of my blog or an article, I am to observe portion control, but will not insult the chef or event planner by not eating.
4. I cannot, however, ask my chef pals to stuff me silly under the guise of it being “food writing related.”  Similiarly, I cannot just cook a bunch of food and pig out and call it “food writing research.”
5. No soda.  Tea is limited to crack tea drank and that is limited to 1 bag per day.
6. No fried foods except for my 1 bad meal per week.
7. Red meat consumption is limited to twice per week.  (That’s not too tough for me.  I don’t eat a lot of red meat anyway.)
8. At least one plant-based meal per week or more if my wife is okay with it.  Eggs and cheese will be limited during these meals.
9. Exercise 4 times per week.  Period.  No excuses.

  That doesn’t sound too bad, doesn’t it?  Right?

I’m Afraid

There it is in black and white.  I’m scared.  Terrified.

This thing I’m doing scares me to my very core.  Not the scarficing.  Not the headaches that will come as my body readjusts or the hunger or the fact that there are foods I just won’t let myself eat.  I’m not afraid of the hard work.

I’m afraid I’ll fail.  I’m afraid that in 2 weeks I’ll be back to my old habits.   I’m afraid that I’ll keep getting heavier and heavier.

I’m afraid that food is in control me and that I can’t control food.

And I don’t have an answer.  I have nothing to reassure me that it won’t happen except for my friends whose job it is to keep me honest and you, my reader, who has carte blanche to keep me on the straight and narrow.

But still, I’ve never done anything like this before.  I’ve tried.  And I’ve failed.  Others have tried.  And they have failed.  I am afraid this time won’t be any different.

Stayed tuned I guess.  Let’s see if it will.

Style Reimagining

The other thing I want to do is improve how I look.  Right now, I’m pretty casual.  I’m kind of unkempt and just not very fashionable, but that will change.

Not in a vain way, but in a professional way.  I want to project the confidence I have in my professional abilities and I think my shaggy hair and old polos don’t do that.

The problem is, being stylish is expensive.  That’s where Charissa comes in.  She’s going to give me advice and hopefully some tips on where to look good for less. 

 She doesn’t know what she’s in for.

Not to harp on the whole weight thing, but buying clothes for a man as heavy as I am is hard (few stores carry my size) and when they do, they cost more than other clothes.  So, goal one has to be to shrink myself down to 2X size.  Then Charissa’s job gets a lot easier.

Next, I want to talk more about how I think the reimagining process will go.